who needs Valium?

Monday, June 2

Korea, aside from a scattering of foreign teachers, is a largely homogenous country. Although people are becoming more accustomed to the presence of foreigners any new foreigner in town will draw their fair share of attention.

My city has a little over 40 foreign teachers 3 ½ of which (not including myself) are not white. I was shipped in special order to add some flavour to my school which is full, for most part, of middle class, middle American, mid- twenty somethings who fall towards the middle of the pink-off- pink spectrum.

Considering the kids only exposure to coloured folk is through the NBA and the occasional Jackie Chan- Chris Tucker movie there were, understandably, a few concerns as to how the kids would react to my presence at the school.

The National Guard was at the ready. Our riot gear was buffed to a shine. A round of Soju to steady the nerves. We were ready for every contingency, it was time to introduce the kids to “Toac teacher”.

Bring it on!

It ended up being a strange combination of counter intuitive reactions. On the one hand I have a stimulating effect on timid kids, while serving as an immobilizing sedative on hyperactive kids.

Let's examine the evidence.

experiments in social psychology

Case study #1: Lucy

upon exposure to the confederate participant* 1 became so stimulated that she began to scream, resulting in the arousal of all canine life within a 50 km radius. Note that this screech, though induced by a pleasant surprise, could rival that of Newfoundland's.

Case study #2: Valerie

This particular participant is known for boisterous and uncontrollable outbursts, however for the entire duration of the experiment subject** 2 sat in her seat (which coincidentally was directly beside the confederate's) in a semi catatonic state. Continued exposure to the confederate was met with complete paralysis of all motor functions and the loss of the ability to speak.

Results
Despite all mesaures being taken to induce the desired reaction none of the subjects wet their pants -although they sure as hell were close to it

Discussion

Further research needs to be done in the field of child psychological trauma and Asian homogeneity. if the pharmaceutical industry could bottle the terrorizing effects of having your monocultural understanding of the world obliterated in a matter of moments they would make a fortune.

shoot!

* note the term "participant" is used very loosely as said participants were not volunteers and had no choice in the matter. Mind not reporting us?

** for the sake of scientific accuracy the more accurate term "subject" will be used, which is apt considering we subjected them to serious psychological trauma