from the mouths of babes

the first thanksgiving as told by Mary, class 81H.

the pilgrims were a motley crew of savage God haters who fled Europe in search of a vacant land flowing the milk and honey where they could practice their God hating in peace and freedom.
having fled Plymouth they found themselves, astonishingly, on Plymouth rock.

" We hereby claim this uninhabited land in the name of mother England...
Excuse me, do you mind?... And for God haters everywhere.
Excuse me? Who are you? Can't you see that i am engaged at the moment?
We claim...what do you want? Food? No, we don't need your "food" thank you.
I say, who exactly are you and what are you doing here?
What do you mean the inhabitants of this land? Can't you see that it is clearly uninhabited?
You say you live here do you? Dear bar. Well...let me refer to my long list of qualifications for savagehood*. Ah! See here, section 2 article 7, you are clearly not like me- automatic grounds for savagehood and the revoking of everything you own. What's that? You don't have an established system of ownership? Isn't that convenient?
Well... we have a flag... so we win!"

but it was a cold, cold winter and the European settlers found themselves without food, proper clothes, shelter or the ability to survive outside of 17th century England. And so, half starved, half frozen and completely without hope they resorted to cannibalism.

And the natives rejoiced, feasting and sharing their bountiful harvest amongst their tribes, thankful that the barbaric Euro invaders hadn't acquired a taste for dark meat.

It was on that day that thanksgiving, as we know it, was born.

so sayeth Mary.


when you teach kids you learn something new everyday.


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* inspired by a conversation with green mango toac does not take complete creative credit for this post.