more trends for 2010 -- yellow is the new white

...or yellow is the new black and brown is the new white.
either way, black and white interracial relationships are so 1954

it's time to stir things up.

if you really want to catch some attention in the new year find yourself (assuming your self is a little brownish girl) a giant asian boyfriend. they're the perfect new accessory. even better, they'll gladly hold your purse.

introducing....CAPTAIN KOREA!
AND he shoots laser beams from his eyes. that's why they're so squinty. it's for your protection ya'll.

the truth about christmas

it's in the mail...

in lieu of christmas presents

trends for 2010

semi-retirement

imaginary obligations.
they're the worst
i don't like writing anymore.
so,
i think i'll stop.
phase one complete.
time to find a new hobby.
taxidermy. time travel.
whatever,
it's time to go outside.

it's not a haiku.

one million things

...give or take.

things to do in the philippines

Cebu:
-learn about history
-break your heart
-cry over poverty
-give away mangoes
-make new friends

Bantayan:
-finally eat good food
-steal a motorbike ride
-make new friends
-steal a tricycle
-despise colonial attitudes
-feel rich. feel sad
-learn to ride a motorbike
-motorbike round island
-night swim
-fend off advances of a 17 year old boy
-acquire adoring band of street kids/tricycle drivers
-acquire female entourage
-try to steal adorable kids. opt instead for a game of Frisbee on the beach
-get stung by a jellyfish
-get an infection. name it ricky
-dance with a midget and lady boys in the moonlight
-wander aimlessly in the bush for hours in search of paradise armed with a gun and mini-machete.
- leave paradise.

Manila (the sequel)
- try to take a: tricycle, jeepney, taxi, bus. any freakin' thing to get to international departures! generally fail
- try to take refuge from a typhoon. fail
- drown
- be hungry
- stay hungry
- be wet
- stay wet
- be helped by the locals
- be scammed by the locals
- be locked out of the airport for 5 hours cold, wet and hungry
- wonder what the hell you've gotten yourself into

things to do: in the philippines

Manila and surrounding area:

- sweat
- drown
- take refuge from the rain
- make new friends
- be hungry
- eat meat flavoured fat
- stay hungry
- take a: tricycle, jeepney, taxi and habal habal
- risk your life on a: tricycle, jeepney, taxi and habal habal
- try to go to Mall of Asia-- fail
- leave fake poop around not-Mall of Asia. fool cleaning staff
- be helped by the locals
- be scammed by the locals
- see Tal volcano through the mist and despite the rain
- destroy shoes, feet and therefore nose
- hang with tribesman of the Southern islands
- walk down, up, down and up the rice terraces of Batad
- almost die
- see waterfall. walk back up, down, up - deliver own last rites
- triumph over adversity
- crash a party
- dance with dignitaries
- eat a ducks face
- gag

night swim

Characters: two unassuming tourists played by Toac (purple), Charles (orange); two over eager local boys, Eljay (blue) and Berne (green); and the harbinger of death
Setting: a not so secluded beach. 12 am. Bantayan, Philippines.

(click to enlarge)

short comings

in trying to recount my adventures and observations from south east asia i have sadly come to the realization that i am a horrible fact teller.

i am terrible at telling the truth.

or should i say retelling the truth?

frankly, what actually happened is often times less interesting than what i or others have perceived to have happened.
mind you, while everything i write is based on reality and is often nothing but the truth when Kleo fails to lend me her creative genius i occasionally have to take matters into my own hands.

however, despite this admission of what i think is a comical flaw i will not be called a liar.
consider it poetic retellings of history.
although at times fact is more mind boggling than fiction 1 i prefer to blur the lines.
and the blur the lines i shall continue to do.
consider it artistic license.
reality is after all subjective and therefore so is truth.

in the meanwhile you can have the pleasure of un-blurring and sometimes literally reading between the lines deciphering fact from flights of fancy

i make no apologies.
i'll make no amends.

consider it a disclaimer.
consider it a confession.
whatever it is you must consider it.

and prepare yourself for the masterfully-poetic, horrifying yet heart-warming retellings of the summer of 2009.

those were indeed the best days of my life.



----
1 this is often the case in my own colourful life.

sparrows

june 09 - today outside of some cathedral i foolishly decided to eat a mango. I was surrounded by kids in an instant.

"peso ma'am. peso."

but one child noticed the food i had and the chant quickly changed.

"mango ma'am. mango"

i had five mangoes. i had already started eating one, the rest went to the littlest beggars but even after i ran out of mangoes one girl followed me for a block and a half.

sorry sweetheart i have no more mangoes. my bag is empty.

"mango, ma'am. mango."

i had some sweet pastries but she only wanted a mango.

"mango, ma'am. mango."

i showed her the empty bag.

"mango, ma'am. mango."

her older friend/sister jumped in and offered to trade me a bottle of water for a mango.

i only have the one i'm eating. you want the one i'm eating?
"yes ma'am."

what?!

i still can't believe it.
the hunger.
the desperation.
to ask someone for the half eaten mango hanging out of their mouth. to barter with your only means of income...my heart aches still.

i gave her the mango.

i lost 50 pesos. i lost my breakfast/lunch. but how could i not?
these children...i could've been in their position.
we all could have been in their position.

all i can say is don't take your privileged life for granted and thank God for His blessings daily.
Thank you God for this my life.

2nd impression: poverty.

poverty.

extreme, abject poverty.

continuous, thriving, all consuming poverty.

what is poverty? in manila you see it everywhere.
so many people are homeless, sleeping in the parks, on the sidewalks, in the gutters.
everywhere.

nationwide this poverty is a result of corruption, local dishonesty and foreign greed.
it is a product- a continuous cycle- of poverty, illness, desperation and hunger.

to look at it will break your heart.
so you don't.
don't look out the window.
don't make eye contact.
don't look at the streets.
don't look at the buildings.
don't look at yourself because you will disgust yourself.
sometimes hearts need breaking.

but still you harden it as much as you can while trying to retain your humanity.
you harden it to maintain your sanity.
you give a little here and there. to give to everyone will put you in a tough position financially. they're everywhere, it breaks your heart.
again.

you smile at the kids, the dirty little street urchins, praying that they don't ask you for money cause to them you are rich but today you too are hungry. you can't afford to feed yourself so your belly rumbles with theirs.

Day 1: The adventure begins.

in all honesty i should have spent far more time planning this trip and far less time packing and repacking my bags.

despite our incredible lack of preparation for this trip we were not completely unprepared. we had thought ahead enough to book a hostel however, the directions we had were proving to be difficult to follow.

take a jeepney to Sucat then a tricycle to green mango pension house.. a tricycle?

yes.

once you cross the candy-cane bridge transfer to unicycle then proceed on flying unicorn.

as exciting as this sounded we didn't know A) where to get a jeepney and B) what a jeepney or trike look like.

mission 1: find pension house without being robbed or conned.

a few wrong turns and a few swindles later we finally arrived at our hostel, the beautiful oasis that is the Green Mango.
the living quarters are cramped, not even a foot between the bunks and the bathroom facilities leave something to be desired, but this place is not completely without charm. tropical plants abound and the under-aged staff is completely awestruck by our outstanding beauty and charm1 , hopefully this will result in free things and more free things.

mission 2: find food

luck finally seems to be on our side, our room mates turn out to be two very nice brits with similar travel plans and hunger pains.
shall we adventure together? yes, let's.

after miles of walking in search of food we come to the realization that continuing this way we would either die of starvation or heat exhaustion.
after a brief jaunt on a trike and having succumbed to diesl fumes and hunger pangs we decide to try our luck with some roadside "meat" on a stick.

and by roadside i mean, a shantyesque resto on the side of the road, food in an unrefridgerated glass case, meat of intdeterminal species kept flyless by a man with a feather duster.

bbq pig ear on a stick. delicious.

mission 3: start the sightseeing.

SM mall of asia (the 3rd largest mall in the world) is our goal but sadly we are having terrible difficulty communicating with the British boys. The problem lies in the fact that the british don't speak english. perhaps in my spare time i can teach them...

sadly we end up at another SM, not the one we were looking for but a supermall nonetheless.

sadly we did not realize our err until we had spent 2 hours looking for the main attractins.

not so sadly some colourful wigs and fake poo made for a perfectly entertaining evening.







---

1. at this point we had been going non stop for 28 hours, we were the poster girls for "outstanding beauty".

Day 1: Landing.

Hey Toac, do you realize where you are? the Philippines? yes.

first impressions: dang it's hot.
first thought: what am i doing here?
2nd and 3rd thoughts: seriously, what the hell am i doing here? what have i gotten myself into?

Within the first few minutes of landing i'm about ready to go back to korea.

we have no real plan, no real itinerary. i have a pocketful of pesos and a bag full of money.

i feel like a drug runner not a well seasoned traveller.

it's 'cause i'm not.

how on earth are we going to survive a month and a half of backpacking?

heaven only knows.